One of the greatest truths in life is that we all, regardless of age, want to feel accepted. Accepted by peers, accepted by those in authority, accepted by our communities. The need for acceptance can often make us give up on parts of who we are that we feel are “less than” or “not as good” as those around us. As a child myself I never felt as good as my peers. I often made up stories to try to fit in, knowing that what I was saying was untrue, but desperately wanting the acceptance of others.
In The Name Jar we meet Unhei, a lovable little girl who has just immigrated to America from Korea. As she enters her American classroom she realizes that her peers cannot say her name, so she chooses to pretend she doesn’t have a name yet. Her classmates begin a voyage to choose a name for her, while she internally struggles with wanting to fit in and wanting to stay true to herself.
As I read this book to my class my heart tugged in a few directions. I loved that this story showed the struggle that children face when they are in a new land, with new people, and want to fit in, while also not wanting to give up on who they are. I also loved that ultimately the act of kindness that helped Unhei to be true to herself and her name was a friend taking the time to extend a gesture of acceptance. Her friend took the time to learn a little bit about her culture and show his appreciation for her differences, and this made all the difference.
This book also opened the floor to a discussion about the meaning behind our names. The kids were all eager to share what their names mean and why their families chose them. We discussed how when we say our names wrong, not only is it not our name, but it’s also no longer a word with meaning. So, on day 3 of the school year, while I still struggle to learn names and say them correctly, I continue to try because I do not want to rob kids of their meaning, their identity, and who they are. The Name Jar allowed us to have such rich conversations about our identity, the feelings of acceptance, and the struggle of wanting to be true to yourself as well as fit in with peers.